i was introduced to 'SEND IT' yesterday, first encountered when my friend tim decided to eat a mini pork pie in one mouthful.
"SEND IT" someone shouted.

"can you flick my cigarette over the fence?"

"okay i'm going to do a flip on the trampoline."

"i dunno what to do about this chick."

"but what if...?"
"just SEND IT."

by the end of the day we'd decided that 'send it' was to be our new phrase, basically meaning whatever you want it to but ultimately describing the action of doing something you want done. being active, sorting yourself out, taking a chance or just being a fool (in the fun sense).
we were 'sending' stuff here, there and everywhere.

perhaps this is why yesterday became a day to remember in more ways than one.
a formal occasion in the morning didn't put us in the best frame of mind but quickly time became a celebration, attitudes towards the 23rd june began to change and it didn't take long for our silly chattings and antics to plaster big smiles over our faces.

i turned up to the trampoline garden, everyone now out of their suited and booted attire and jumping like maniacs on the squeaky toy. I undid my boot laces and was adamant to get involved immediately.
"do a flip kel, send it."
aaaaaaaah, my mind was so on it. had to practice with my hands, then gained some confidence and started bouncing a little higher. the feeling when you're absolutely prepared to flip yourself over and you wimp out is so overwhelming. i started to get angry. i could definitely do this!
"SEND IT!!!"
fuck it. jumped, neck tucked, body curled in the air and i landed 360 degrees later, still in tact!
it felt amazing.
(obviously tim had to 'send' the flip after a girl had; he is now better than me but at least his motivation came from somewhere!)

it was then time to take the rubber dinghy to haversham river so that the boys could 'send it' and row themselves along. well it worked and i couldn't help feeling pretty proud of them, must have been going for about an hour, definitely until it was dark.
i did some more of my own 'send its' last night but a blog doesn't mean you have to go into every minor detail, i'll keep some bits to meself. i started to think that 'SEND IT' was more about spontaneity and getting a thrill out of something.

so whatever, these are all little things as the consequence of our 'sending it' but they make all the difference. just don't think twice. get excited.
as i'm writing this it all sounds pretty youthful; i have absolutely no problem with this.
excitement is wonderful.
yes there are levels of it; over-excitement is a pain in the ass but that's besides the point.
give a shit, even 'send it' to people.
but they aren't excited about you, then find someone that is.
you totes deserve it.

i fully encourage everyone to SEND IT and see what happens.

peas & carrots. xx


this amazing word defines:
"A look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start."

looks like relationships are cryptic for a reason. bloody words :)


and sometimes a song always helps us out a little.

'just trying to figure you out'.

open up.

without thinking i've opened this website to splurge my thoughts somewhere and quickly. here goes.

closed book aren't fun. there's only so much time you can spend looking at the cover and reading the blurb, the boring summary that leaves out the nitty-gritty bits of the story. a bit like the people we meet and the small talk that is endured to 'suss them out'.
it gets a little tedious when you're reading the same blurb over and over again.
but i'd read my favourite book ten, twenty times over.

never particularly enjoyed mystery novels so kind of unsure as to why i'm playing a guessing game.

that's a lie, i know exactly why:

sometimes you just have to write in a blog because you're too cowardly to tell someone what you actually think. but at the same time you're still writing & pretending to yourself that inadvertently they'll know what the hell you're going on about, that it's about them, that they affected your life in this way.

i don't want to be part of 'who plays it the coolest?' or can score highest on a continuum of mindfuck. we literally cannot help ourselves. even if you think you don't, you do. whether it's delaying reading and replying to the text because you feel the other person derserves to wait or trying the 'i'm-not-bothered' tone to be 'cool'. we think it's giving the other person space and testing our 'wantedness' by the other; leting them make up their own mind if they wanna talk to you.

i do it. and i hate doing it. and i hate texting.

how about we have really intimate, intense conversations and write them to eachother in plain words and then when it appears on the screen, you'll need to denote the tone, intonation and stress of what i'm saying. it's a bloody puzzle and there's always a piece missing.

why can't we all just tell eachother what's going through our minds, truthfully. ask the questions we want answered without the fear of painting ourselves in a way we wish not to be.
there are things i want to say, that if i do i run the risk of jeorpordising something that is essentially what could be something good. i have this annoying ingrained fucking notion of inadequacy within myself, that stops me wearing my heart on my sleeve. obviously it's best to protect it and keep everything tied up inside, mouth shut, key thrown away.

(i don't really believe this, i tell myself i do).

mini-rant, i am none the clearer, i'll most probably just be called emo.

i like you. i also like you.

laters. xoxx